Sunday, September 14, 2008
{ 11:58 AM }
there's nothing showing on the outside
something's dying on the inside
I'm still broken but I'm free13 September 2008, Saturday:I went to my Grandmum's
to break fast.
but before that,
when I arrived,
messaged
him.I didn't know why I hesitated to.
I knew that something wasn't right.
something was amiss,
loh.but I still messaged.
cause I promised him
I'd wait for him.
&for him to have assurance of my promise,
I'd message him everyday
just so he knows that I think of him
24/7 without fail.
even though his phone is spoilt.
I'd be wasting money.
but it doesn't matter,
cause its
him that I'm messaging.
so then,
I messaged.
got a reply.
that reply..
was shattered.
I tried to put a strong front.
I didn't want to do
anything foolish.
I didn't want to japordise
the friendship that could blossom
out of this.
but right now,
I'm wondering..
was it something foolish
for me to do?
putting up a facade
to deceive him that I'm alright.
when I'm truly not.
okay,I suppose I should type out
what he sent, just so you could understand.
"I think my feelings
starting to fade already."I wanted to breakdown.
but I couldn't.
not in
their presence.
so I held back my tears.
the pressure from every beating
that my heart pumps,
were running up to my eyes.
it just wants to spill the tears.
his promises..
he broke it.
I won't be mad.
I will not cry.
but what happened to:-
I promise?
I'll change your perspective
of a r/s.
are you aware that now,
you're giving me more reasons
to give up?
you're giving me more reasons
to hate myself.
ripping off my self-esteem.
I'm not blaming you.
I'm not going to hate you.
I won't.
I shan't repeat the same mistakes.
a wound may heal,
yes I believe.
but certain wounds leave scars.
&scars,
can sometimes hurt.
occasionally it does.
&therefore,
it'll bring back memories,
&pain.
