Saturday, December 20, 2008
{ 4:50 PM }
today's lunch, all I ate was instant spaghetti from 7-Eleven. my Dad insisted that I eat something. but I was on a hunger strike. to show that this time I'm serious. that this time, I had enough of her! each time she sees me, her face goes all screwed like I'm something so pungent&stale.
if the sight of me really irks you, by all means, you can throw me out. I wouldn't hesitate to leave. I know that sounds mean, but seriously, from her expression.. it seems like she's genuinely hating me. I keep telling myself that a mother would never hate her child, because if she did, it's as good as you're saying she forgot to breathe. arghs! it simply stings my eyes badly when I try to think how much she loves me&at the same time, how much her angst is killing me! I force myself not to cry, not to cry. its too much for me to handle alone.. I'm not strong, I'm not. I'm the most timid person in this world. I just try to look hard on the surface, but inside, I'm really just so vulnerable. I'm not sure how much longer I can handle this. I don't even know what's this! Idk what the hell is going on! I keep telling myself that what I'm going through is minor, I still am. even right now as I type! but, I just can't handle this.. this bullshit! I'm just really helpless.. I was suppose to update about what I did today, but I just ruined the whole idea of it.
sighs. gonna pull myself together.. its not hard to pretend that I'm alright, but its not easy to believe that I am, to believe that I am perfectly fine.
breathe in, breathe out.okay, so.. went to NTUC, bought groceries. homed. I ate my spaghetti. phoned Iman. I felt a hell lot better when I was talking to her. I didn't specifically told her what happened, but she should get the idea. she should know, she should. the day went by pretty fast. she just slept in her room. after chatting with Iman for over a few hours(?), I went to on the computer. so yea.. doing the usual stuffs. blogging, friendster
ing&chatting. other then that, I'm just.. crying.
Labels: 10 months
