Saturday, April 11, 2009
{ 7:35 AM }
just finished reading Liyana's and Nina's blog.
first of all, I fought with you once (Liyana), well not exactly fought uh.. just.. you get my point -.-" as for Nina, somethings happened towards.. the end of the year between us? okay, Idk where this is going, lol. but anyway.. my point is, my blog is like practically dead. who reads this stupid thing? I purposely post it up here so that you guys know how I felt. in my head, I already knew so many things. I know that many people dislike me. you claim that I have new friends.. to speak the truth, the only real friendship I felt is with Iman&A'in, &Haikal, &perhaps Khairi. they aren't anyone new. they are the same people whom I've been friends with since secondary 1. I have no idea how to put things to words but here's my attempt.. however, I don't deny how much it bothers me that you hate me.
I don't talk much to you anymore?
"also , days before , we seldom talked . so yeah , i have the thought that you too , dont wanna communicate with me cause you alrd have new close friend ssince , lets say , just this year ."
at least I tried. I did try&talk to you. but each time I talk to you, I'm really like being totally ignored. especially during art lesson. art lesson you seem very lonely, so I try to start a conversation with you but always come out differently than planned. oh&on the day when we were asked to find a group for CLAP, I actually asked you what's your problem with me but you said you were just irritated (with what Idk) and apologized to me. you could have just voiced out your thoughts, but then again, okay fine.. you said you didn't want to upset me, I appreciate you for that. seriously I do. oh&can you honestly tell me who are these new friends of mine?
"and you totally frgt about me and nina and went with others instead ."
totally forget? that's what you imply. okay.. Idk how to defend myself for this line. cause its your own feeling. you felt what I'm doing seems like I forgotten you&Nina, so, I apologize then for that. next time, I'll be more aware of what I'm doing, if there is a next time.
"but we dont mind
tho cause we wont die not having a friend in class ."
sure you won't die not having friends in class. but not having friends at all you may. okay, off topic again. uh, maybe that's your mindset. but to me, I must have friends. at least one. let's say you have no friends AT ALL, at least you still have your sister. but me, who do I have? my parents also now like.. like that uh. at least, my Dad still treats me like I exist. maybe I'm all that (perasan&suka criticize orang) because I just need attention. um.. it's like when I'm perasan, it's to give me confidence being around who I'm with. I'm not sure if you understood that. as for critcizing people, Idk bout that. maybe I just don't realise that I criticize people. once in awhile, I know I do. but, I didn't know that I criticize people a lot. so now you may say that you said suka¬ banyak. but I'm implying that if you already like to do something, surely you'll do it often. right? well, that's just my opinion.
"and about the amiera thingy , itu sungguh tidak adr kene mengene with our problem . i was having my NORMAL MOODSWING and there she goes , jalan straight at me , some sort of pushing me . SEMPAT SENYUM PLAK TU . sape yang tak geram kan ? and you yourself knew how i vent my anger to anyone when im annoyed . kau cakap orang , then ,
why should you langgar nina ? and its like , 2 times ."
moodswing? so you're saying that you have moodswing every time? it's like everyday, there's one particular lesson of the day your attitude is like that. &you should know what Amiera is like too. sure I'd be angry, but I won't.. okay nevermind. I bumped into Nina twice? when? I only remembered the one in the toilet. that was actually unintentional but I couldn't bring myself to say sorry cause I was just too overwhelmed(?) by the matter.
"you see , here's your problem , you just looked at others mistakes when you yourself has one . mirror diri sendiri dulu la , minah (: &i admit that you did not asked me but i told you that bynk org dont really like you just for your info . "
if you could tell me that many people dislike me just for my information, then I don't see a reason as to why you can't tell me about my attitude, just for my info. okay, so maybe you said that out of anger. so fine.. I've got nothing to say to this.
anyway, there are so much to be said. I rather we talk things out just the two of us. that is if you want to. &also, that is if you still want back the friendship we used to have. anyway, thanks for claiming that I'm a good friend, even though it was stated in past tense. at least I know that I ever was a good friend to you.clearly all the above stated was for Liyana. &now for Nina.
okay, so now that I've cooled down, what do you mean by "Okay ehh , skrg i tell you eh , memang sometimes i get irritated when u start talking english *mcm nak show off gitu* . bebual tu boleh uh , tapi tk perlu melebeh boleh tak . ur tgn nyer movement tk perlu uh ? aper aku backstabber ? kalao aku backstabber ... aku dh tentu tentu bilang kau aper kawan kawan kau telah bebual pasal kau tau tak ?"
3 years, okay make it 2, you know clearly how often I speak english. you know that its like a habit to me. in fact, my malay sucks. but just for your information which you already know, my mother tongue&english is a C5. so, me show off? how to with that results? as for my hands, you know its a habit. I'm trying to kick the habit out of me but I can't. any suggestions? tie up my hands to my body? &from what I know, if you told me things about what my friends have been saying behind my back, then that isn't backstabbing me. that is backstabbing them. if you had told me what my friends have been saying behind my back, then that makes you a good friend, actually. oh&honestly, I don't call what you did exactly backstabbing but, I'm sure you well knew what's going to happen if you were to tell Liyana things, didn't you?
"itulah aku dpt tau dari khairi"
huh?
anyway, between you&I, I don't take things seriously. I don't mean to say that I do not cherish our friendship but just saying that I would give in. okay, I bet now you're thinking: " give in kaper? so kau tak ikhlas ah? jadi ni skarang sumer actually aku yang salah tapi kau mengalah? " right? okay, the last line rhymes (wtf -.- lol).. well that is also not what I meant. okay shoots, Idk how to say it. anyway, sorry aights? for pushing you. that was really sincere, I meant it from the bottom of my heart&ya, terpulang kepada Nina nak terima atau tidak. there, I spoke(typed) in Bahasa, not english. sincere enough? oh&what I wanted to tell you was that starting from next Tuesday, I'm much free-er. so, I can help you with A maths.. that is if you still want to.so, that's that. someone actually asked: " so, you actually took their words to heart? " obviously I did. I'm not actually upset when this happened but.. Idk uh. there was a part of me that got hurt but basically, it was like.. Idk
lah! ><"
anyway, I didn't do much yesterday. just went out with Iman. oh, &this may be lame but I find it cool :D lol. on.. Thursday, I dreamt that I got a new phone xD the phone was pink.. -.- yes, lol.. &had my name on it. so basically it was custom-made :D then right, Idk why but on Friday when I went out with Iman, I wore my pink hush puppies polo tee. then, the whole day I was out, I saw so many people wearing pink :) okay, that's nothing. but at Bukit Batok where I met Iman, I saw a girl wearing the same shirt. then when were at Jurong East, there was this book sale. there was 2 guys&1 girl. the girl was one of the guy's girlfriend. then that girl's boyfriend said: " macam matair siol. sama topi " then I'm like.. whaaaa.. -.- I looked up&the guy with the same cap was looking at me. then they were indirectly having a conversation about me, infront of me -.= anyway, back to the books.. since it was a sale, I decided to find a book. the first 2 books that caught my eye was Bleeding Heart&The 37th Hour. I read the synopsis, whatever the spelling is.. both books has a main character by the name of Sarah. lol. in the end, I bought the 2nd book. so then, Iman&I took the MRT from Jurong East to Woodlands. went to Causeway Point. otw, I bumped into Safura. LOL. then.. I think that was all the coincidence that happened for the day :) it rained heavily, we MRT-ed to Yew Tee. wanted to go my house but in the end, went to McDonalds. saw Fidaiy around.. five-ish? saw Alep at around.. six-ish. then we left for home :D
as for today, Iman have training for nationals? Idk. but I'm suppose to meet PPK(the group -.=") for CLAP. but I don't feel like going out today cause yesterday I already went out. &I feel bad leaving my Mum at home alone, like always. but, what's the point? even when I'm at home, it's like as though I'm not around. there's no conversation between us at all. well, whatever. that's all I've got to post about. goodbyeeee.
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